It seems he will get worse before he gets better: I have just come across the five traits that make a good dog owner and The Boss fails miserably, on most counts.
I was browsing TikTok the other day — as I am wont to do when things are quiet — and came across an incisive clip by expert dog trainer Miles Hamilton, who confirmed my long-held suspicions.
Miles said, first up, that a good owner must be proactive and see problems before they pop up. This is not The Boss. He’s the owner who absent-mindedly waits until the bindii and burrs have got away before he sprays them — and then ignores me, standing helplessly on three legs, waiting for a nasty prickle to be removed. They’ve already seeded for next year.
Take the stinking hot day when he sees me panting under the elms — you’d reckon he’d say to himself: “The General looks uncomfortable — I should invite him in to the air-conditioned kitchen.” Or, on those still winter nights when you can feel a frost coming down — am I the first thing he thinks about? Or the last? Instead of him anticipating my needs, I have to get right in his face with some volume, repeatedly belting the door.
The second trait of the best owners is that they are self-motivated problem-solvers — they get on top of things straight away, research what to do, find their own solutions. So, if I’m drooling and not eating a mouth-watering bone, The Boss should be running me straight to the vet, instead of complaining about me to the Missus, asking me why I’m so stupid and hoping everything will fix itself.
The third essential trait of a great owner is to be committed. You can see The Boss fails on this count from the get-go. Miles reckons he sees owners so committed they will travel four to five hours — one way — just for a training session for their dog.
Commitment means going the extra mile for your loving hound, sparing no expense for his comfort and ensuring his deepest wants and needs are satisfied. Commitment in time, commitment in expense and commitment in effort: I can only dream.
As for the fourth trait, well, the jury is out on this one. Miles says a good owner must have high expectations. The Boss’s expectations are so high they’re in orbit. Of me, that is — not of himself. This is a fundamental disconnect and could be summed up by the old saying: “Do as I say, not as I do.”
But he stands up well on the final trait. Miles says it helps (Miles, possibly) if an owner is ‘insecure’ — so embarrassed to be seen in public with a badly behaved and poorly trained dog that he can’t bear the thought of being associated with it, which motivates the owner to have the mutt trained properly.
In The Boss’s case, his insecurity means he just won’t take me out — anywhere. Woof!
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